Freedom From the Source
As someone who carries guilt, it has been weighing on me lately that grief and guilt can be terrible together. We may experience guilt from decisions made in times of need, from past arguments with the person we have lost, from not getting experiences the person had hoped for, etcetera. For me, I struggle with guilt from not knowing what to do better in critical times of need.
As I reflect back on the time my mom and I spent in the hospital, I think back to the constant decision making that had to be done. For me, that looked like approving medicines, checking procedures, trying to advocate for food for my mom, and more. I struggle with the guilt of leaving the hospital room for fresh air when guests would come in and out for those seventeen days. What I struggle with the most is that I was twenty-four years old and did not think to do more or to ask my mom more questions that I would love to hear stories behind now. (But I try to remind myself we had more important things we were talking about!)
When these thoughts and feelings of guilt creep in, it takes some strong reminding from myself, my therapist, sometimes my friends and family, and my Bible to remind me that I do not have to be burdened by guilt. The grief weight is not going anywhere, but the guilt weight surely can!
The Bible says in Romans 10:11, “Everyone who believes in Him will not be put to shame.” This verse is talking about salvation for the Israelites that believed their faith must be earned by works, but I see the relevance to our guilt because of the freedom we find in our salvation. When we believe and choose to let God be the ruler of our lives, He knows our sinful ways and that we are human. He forgives us for all wrongs; past, present, and future.
If you are like me and struggle with guilt and grief simultaneously at times, first of all, let me say that our guilt may not be valid. If we were just doing our best, we can not help what we did not know. We can even be thankful for the growth we have experienced by seeing new perspectives today than we did during our time of loss. Secondly, and this is for everyone, freedom in Christ means freedom from our past mistakes and choices, even if they were wrong. This week, let us find joy in knowing that we are free to do our best and lean on God in the process! We do not have to feel shame over our mistakes and we do not get to let our works earn any favor for us regarding our salvation. Let the ultimate source of joy this week be straight from the source, the giver of life, knowing that He forgives and restores because He is our God that provides both justice and righteousness alongside new mercies every morning. Hope is ours and guilt is not!
