The Companion Comparison
As the holiday season is in full swing, more and more conversations about grief have been coming up. It has been so freeing to get to relate with others about something that can easily feel so burdensome and isolating, especially around this time of year. The more open I have been about my grief, the more I have seen others be willing to open up about their grief.
Yesterday I got to have a conversation with someone that lost her mom five years ago. While I lost my mom three years ago, we obviously have similarities in our losses, but there are also many differences. For starters, this woman is much older than me and in a very different season of life. She and her mom also had a different relationship than my mom and I had and she and her dad have a different relationship than my dad and I do. In addition to those things, there are still many other differences. Despite our differences, our connection stayed the same in the course of our conversation, and that is because we are connected by grief and to grief.
As this lady began talking yesterday, she began to compare grief to something in a way that I have never heard before, so I decided to share it here, in case someone else also needs this comparison. She began comparing grief to a companion. I explained to her the difficulty I have when someone says something along the lines of, “I am praying you will feel better soon.” I struggle with this because grief, although always changing, is never leaving. It is not something to get better from, but is something to grow through. She immediately understood and then began the companion comparison. She explained that grief is like a never-leaving companion. Sometimes it may just sit with us and we get to experience life with it there, but not overly pressing on us, but other times, and sometimes at random, it will annoy us or poke at us, bringing a flood of emotions to the surface. Grief never leaves, but the weight of grief ebbs and flows. She went on to say that grief may be fine for a while and then something very ordinary happens, something that has happened many times and did not stir up anything, and suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, grief hits differently and is overwhelming and too much in that moment. We began relating this to many kinds of grief; not just grief of someone that has passed away. Other grief companions still have the same tactics. Whether it is grief of a life imagined, grief of a failed relationship, grief of ______ (you name it), grief stays the same and none of us are experiencing it alone.
In addition to grief never leaving us alone, I can not help but think of someone else that does not leave us alone. In Deuteronomy, Moses is addressing the Israelites during a time of uncertainty. Although their uncertainty was different than the uncertainty of grief that we face daily, the reminder stays the same. Deuteronomy 31:8 says:
“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
As we face yet another week of walking in grief through the holiday season, let us find joy in a few things: that we are all facing the same grief on our different journeys, that it is okay to talk about it with others, that it is not abnormal for grief to stir up different emotions at various times, and that, most importantly, while grief is never leaving or forsaking us, neither is the God of the universe, the Creator, the Father, the Wise Counselor, the Prince of Peace. Since the same God who is all of those things and more is always with us, let us find joy amidst the grief as we take a step back and observe the real companion comparison.
