The Race Called Grief
In grief, like in a race, we know the road before us is long and will not always be fun. We know there will be unexpected things that come up through out our grief. As a runner must nourish himself during a race to stay strong, I am reminded that we must consistently be doing the same thing; nourishing ourselves in many ways while running this race of grief.
Over the last few weeks, this grief exhaustion has impacted me mentally and physically. I have felt overly tired physically and had to make myself be active and even interact with others, which is usually one of my favorite things to do. This is not the first time this wave of grief exhaustion has hit. The way I always know what it is that is draining me is when I start to feel like life is happening to me and I am living it, but not truly experiencing it. I describe it to my therapist as feeling like I am not real. Of course, I know I am real and life is still moving along, but that does not change how I feel in that moment and that feeling is thanks to grief.
As I recently mentioned this in therapy, we began talking about the science behind this feeling I just described. To me, this feeling is solely associated with grief and I have experienced it during many types of grief in the past: job loss, ended relationships, and my mother passing away. It turns out that this feeling I have described comes from being overwhelmed. As I have reflected on if that is true of myself or not, I would say it is and I would continue saying it is because of grief.
That leads me to question how to change it. If I have taken all possible action steps to free my schedule and not feel overwhelmed by expectations of others, how can I become even less overwhelmed? If I knew, I would put that answer right here for both of us, but I do not fully know. What I do fully know is that it is okay to have ups and downs in our grief and when we do feel like we are trudging along in our grief race, we can continue turning to Scripture, even when it feels difficult or distant to our hearts. The verse that came to mind as I was thinking through this earlier was Hebrews 12:1.
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us."
Something that stands out to me in this verse is the encouragement to lay aside sin which clings so closely. As I have faced the grief race exhaustion, I have found myself wanting to fall back into old habits because they are easy and, maybe even comfortable. It seems strange to acknowledge sin in such a way, but it is truthful and something to be aware of. I am thinking I can not be the only one who tends to fall into old habits when I look back at Hebrews 12 again.
So where is the joy? Where is the encouragement? Looking back at the verse, there are few things to find joy in this week. 1) We can find joy in looking back at memories and examples of others who have already run the race of life. Maybe it is the person we are grieving or maybe it is not, but we do have people who have experienced exactly what we are running through now. 2) We can find joy in knowing we are not stuck in a never ending race. All races have a finish line and the only way to get there is to keep on moving, even when we feel the race is happening and we are not thinking about each step. 3) We can find joy in remembering that we are not alone. As with all races, many people run the same course. So, in addition to the examples we have set before us, we can find encouragement in each other and knowing we are not alone in this race. Different parts of the course may seem easier for some than others, but that is when the strength and support of others comes into play. If we can all run the race together, we can all support each other in our weakest, exhausted, sin-desiring, grief burdened moments and cheer each other on to the finish line.
Let that be the goal this week - whether you are the one needing encouragement or if you have the strength this week to encourage others, keep running the race of grief with endurance!
