Trials and Triumph
If you are experiencing grief of any kind, you know it can seem like a never ending trial. As if the pain of loss is not enough, constant reminders of the loss come up in both expected and unexpected ways, people are insensitive in bringing up topics that may remind you of the loss, or any other myriad of possibilities could occur that bring the sting of grief to the surface. The hard part is that the trials we are facing can be difficult and ongoing, but the good news is that we have a promise that the trial will not win.
Something many of my closest friends do not know about me is that in recent months, opening my Bible seemed overwhelmingly difficult; almost dreadful. And praying? At times it seemed like there was no point. I do not know the number of days, but there was definitely a period of time where the only Scripture I was getting was what sits at my bathroom sink (on cards that I keep there to read while I brush my teeth) and then whatever I heard at church. Personal Bible study was out of the picture and I felt it. I felt sad, alone, isolated, and heavily burdened by the fear that my faith was not growing in the direction I wanted it to, but I did not have the will-power to do something about it. Because of my lack of discipline, praying also got harder. It really is difficult to have a one sided relationship. If I did not want to hear from God, why did I want to talk to Him? The truth is, I did not want to. I do think I still prayed most days, but not as seriously as I should have. I know He hears it all, but my heart posture was not great.
Then, I am not sure what exactly sparked the change; it could have been the people on The Light FM talking about how it is never too late to jump back in God’s word, it could have been the way my mental health was spiraling because I felt so isolated, or it could have simply been conviction from the Holy Spirit, but I got determined to spend time in the Word again daily AND to communicate (pray) in return. I started by praying that God would re-ignite the fire I had for Him. I asked Him to make my faith as passionate as it has been before, but I knew that this was a team effort. God had not moved. I was the one that grew distant, so I needed to be the one to draw near again. So I did and, let me tell you, this has been the sweetest rekindling. God continues reminding me of His faithfulness, provision, and steadfastness. He has reminded me of how He has constantly and consistently provided for me over the years through many different losses. He has reminded me I am never alone and He can be my best friend, even though that looks different than the earthly friendship I had with my mom and in other lost relationships.
One important thing that has been standing out to me as I continue growing through grief and in Him is the recognition that joy and sadness can coexist! Loss is real and so is the toll it takes on us mentally, physically, emotionally, and relationally. It is completely okay to acknowledge those things. It is also completely okay to enjoy life as we can. I understand battling the feelings of sadness and guilt that can come when we have a life experience we wish someone else was here to experience. While that is normal, it is also okay to be joyful! We still have life to live and love to share with those around us. Let us not miss out on those opportunities!
This week, Isaiah 43:2 stood out to me while doing my Bible study. It says, “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” This verse has two definite in it: Trials will come. They will not win. As we enter into another week of choosing joy, we can be reminded that, even though trials will come and they can be extremely painful and ongoing (as we know), we have a promise; “the flames will not set us ablaze.” Because of the promise that God WILL be with us no matter what we are enduring, we can face each day with confidence in knowing that trials will come, but we will triumph because He is for us!
